Seeking Political Asylum - need ride

Dear UFOians:

I apologize for not knowing how to address you properly - they don't teach us much down here. Or up here, over here: however you think of us in relation to where ever you came from. Come from. Are from. Were from?

I don't know. All I know is that I watched Larry King the other night and he had some angry people on who caught glimpses of you guys in your flying saucers. They say they are all ticked off because nobody believes them but I think there's more to it.

I think that they, like me, want off this rock and they are ticked off that you didn't abduct them.

The way I figure it, you are studying us. It would be like us noticing some long lost tribe in the Amazon that has never had contact with the rest of us for thousands of years. We wouldn't want to pollute their society, we'd want to study it. I figure that's your thing. Hidden observers, no interference. I nailed it, didn't I?

No doubt you are quite depressed by how stupid and warlike we are. Here's the thing: some of us are pretty depressed by how stupid and warlike we are too. We can't SAY anything - well, we can, but everybody looks at us like we're nuts, so we don't. We keep our mouths shut and our eyes averted. That's the safest way down here. Excuse me, over here. What ever.

So anyway: I want out. I figure if you are advanced enough to get here and mostly stay hidden, you must be advanced enough to have a real code of ethics and morals. No, no, I don't mean religious morals. I told you: I don't like stupid and warlike either.

So if you do have advanced morals, there must be something in there about primitive things like us. No doubt there's the non-interference thing, but I bet there's some little twist in there for asylum seekers. Like our thing with the Cuban boat people: if they get by the Coast Guard and touch foot to land, they are in. Or something like that. I forget, because it's hard to pay attention to rules that make no sense.

But your rules make sense, right? And there has just got to be some political asylum clause that would apply to me and a few others. So what I'm asking is this: come get us. Take us away. If you have a sense of humor you could leave a sign saying something about The Rapture but I suppose that would be interfering. It would be funny as hell though.

So that's it. I want to go. I'm sick of living with these people. Come and get me - whenever is good for you, I'm ready. Pick me up, beam me up, whatever it is you do. Just take me away from here.

I'll pass on the anal probe, thanks.